Bienvenido Senorita Kiya!
Good morning GoldenGoddess Family,
A top of the morning and heartfelt blessings to you and Kiya!
Kiya is joining us for a discussion on the joys and challenges of "Dating After the 40's and 50's."
Please feel free to join in, Family, and ask Kiya questions and share your views.
Sooooo, Kiya, tell us a bit about yourself before we begin.....
49 comments:
Well, I am 49 yrs old (young), and single. I've been single for about 2 years. The last year being one of choice. Lately, the "companionship bug" has been biting me. I thought to myself, "I don't frequent the clubs as I used to", and "my social scene" is filled with younger people than me, so where do I find a more mature woman, that I can relate more to. That led me down the path online.
I like the correction...49-years-young! We're only as old as we think. (smile)
Wow! A wellspring of questions that fountained in my mind. Let's see...why don't you frequent the clubs? Is that scene a phase or did you find the club-goers much like the ones in your social scene--just plain younger? If you yet club SOMETIMES, how do you feel being in the club next to much younger follks?
Hi Shirley,
Are you there?
Kiya, while you are pondering and recording your answer, I'll say that the last time I was in a club, which was last year, I felt as though I were an observer, observing how my fellow revellers reminded me of my son and his crew.
Across the dance floor, there seemed to appear a divide, and across it, some looked at me, I'm sure wondering, and I stared at them, wondering, too. Hmmmmmm. Could I have found something better to do?
I am "clubbed out". Although, allow me to say that I do occasionally enjoy going out because I love to dance, and as far being out next to the younger crowd, I "represent" my age group who are not "feeling their age".
You yet with me, Kiya?
LOL to your comment Claudia. There have been times that I've felt the same way. Thinking to myself about how partying used to be. How we dressed to go out, how we took measures to meet one another. Now I look around and say where did everything about going out I liked go????
Lo comprendo! I understand that. Looking at your photo, Kiya, I could very well take you for a significantly younger woman. Have you had potential love interests take you for being closer to their age?
And as for the dancing, I can "close a club" on the dance floor. I love the exercise and sensuality that dancing offers. I love to say that it reminds me of making love standing up!
Okay, so you are feeling me. We could "put all the kids to bed"...LOL.
All potential interests do mistake me to be in the 30's. Of which, I'm not mad at them for thinking that. It's when we begin to dialougue that I can immediately spot even without knowing their age, but in just what we're talking about that I know what I'm dealing with. I'll let on with references that leave them staring in the headlights.
Why do you think people get to our age, as I am two years your senior, and find themselves "pondering" in the clubs? Is it that there just aren't clubs that cater to older club-goers or the general impression is simply that "folks" our age should be engaging in other activities?
Don't get me wrong, either, I love clubbing; however, I'd love to do it with more folks in my generation.
Huh. Is that where house parties become paramount for daters after the 40's and 50's?
I have found that going to clubs which cater to my age group is really great. Actually, it's quite comforting to be there with people who share you taste in music, dance and attire. Also, it is easy to find solidarity among the sisters there.
I answer yes to both your questions.I begin to think how I could have been 1000 other places. I feel as if I wasted money, I don't enjoy all the stud postering, and the hootchie girlfriend staring at me. I do feel as if, as I did when I was younger, that older folks had no place there. I didn't want to be the "club elder". The person we laughed at back in the day.
And to Simply...where are these places you refer to? Iam missing something.
Kiya, how did you feel when you discovered yourself in the dating pool again, after being in a long-standing relationship?
And tell me about that "last year" of the 2, dating by choice.
Did you perceive yourself dating as a being in a challenging situation or in a joyous new phase of your life? What are your perceptions of dating in your 40's? (As opposed, perhaps, to dating in your 20's)
Well our interest in clubbing may vary, but I like Pearls Bistro and the Crows Nest (Old National).
Welcome SimplyShirley!
What a pleasure to have you join us! That is a wonderful comment you make about going to clubs in which you have much in common with the other club-goers. That solidarity is important for the good vibes and good times!
Is your social scene hotter now that it was in your 20's or would you say it has cooled a tad? And if so, why?
It's not all about clubs, its about the question, where have "we" migrated to? Your comment answers some of that, thank you Simply. I also wonder if sometimes give up on the notion of finding that one to enjoy our later years with. I also wonder is it too late to find that (excuse the expression) "soulmate"?
Kiya,
I identify as a fem lesbian, so I know about the soft and hard butch posturing in the gay clubs. I love everything about "The Life" as well as the flirty, fluttering femmes, who sail about the party-goers, arrayed in their pretty, sexy attire, catching eyes and dropping moves.
Your comment about the "club elder" hits home in a humorously way! I have seen quite a few of them in my time, and I've often wondered how they felt about being a wall ornament, more or less, considering I can't remember folks flocking around them to meet and greet or even to ask them to dance.
I'm going to catch up in my reading here. Dame un momento, por favor! Give me a minute, pease.
Sorry for lagging, but my choice in being celibately single was in an effort to clear my head of "types", and other stereotypes I created in who I am looking for. Many times before I got just what I asked for. Then realized that that's not what I wanted, or needed at all.
Never!! I think it's important to be able to get beyond all the boundaries and limits we set on ourselves and others and leave ourselves open to experience friendship and trust with someone.
That is exactly what I've come to. The year "off" really put things into a truer perspective for me.
In my 20's I was all dance and no brain. Now I'm all brain and little dance ability.
Kiya,
I don't think it's ever too late to find your soulmate. I am on the mind that one asks for what she wants and then thanks the Divine for that request, as if it is already here, and move forward in life fully expecting the gift of the request.
Your soulmate may be in the supermarket check-out line, on the next pew at church, or on an online dating site!
I say "Keep the Faith." (smile)
Very Funny, I think my brain has taken over the body. I have become very intuitive as to my needs and I want to go into this phase of my life with knowing that I've learned from my mistakes in relationships, from pursuit, non-pursuit, how I've handled myself, etc, etc, etc... This is an exciting time for me because I have really listened to myself, and to others. I realize now that it's never been about me, but about what I'm willing to give.
That may be slightly off the immediate subject, but I just had to share.
Oooooh!
I like that, "clearing your head of types." Lord knows, we can tell you about the types that we prefer. Tall, short, locs, dark, light, smart, etc. and the list can reel out as long as I am tall!
Perhaps, one should think, Divine, please send me the perfect person for me. And then be open to receiving that person.
So many times we get to judging and we JUDGE ourselves right out of a date before the date can ever occur.
I HAVE A QUESTION. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ONLINE DATING?
I concur, Simply!
Friendship and trust are open doors to romance that withstands the test of time and perceived problems.
Wow! That's exactly how I found my soulmate. I determined to give without worrying about what I would receive in return. I decided to love not expecting love.
Guess what! I'm wonderfully happy with my current mate.
I think there are advantages. If too busy, or not plugged into a social environment, but still want to reach out, I think that is good. On the other hand, and I'll put it into a question, Are you getting what has been proposed. There is nothing like the look on a person's face when posed a question, about themselves, their reaction, the smile, the glimmer of thought, or the twitch...LOL!
Dating online just feels so distant, and foreign to me.
Simply, you give me hope!!
Thank you for sharing that "it's been about what I can give" comment, Kiya! That is a powerful thought.
What do you consider to be the most important qualities you can give to a soulmate?
"Hope springs eternal." I know many people who have met soulmates online so I won't diss it. However, I want to see, touch, and feel the electricity of someone.
Unconditional love. That doesn't mean being a doormat. You can also love someone from afar if it isn't working.
Golden...
To answer your question, and it's a good one. I believe all that I can offer someone that I feel that connected to is ALL OF ME, no holds barred. From my weaknesses, to my strengths, my failures, my success, to lay it all down for her to do with as she wishes..., for my soulmate would know how to.
Golden,
that one took me a minute!
What I love about online social sites is the opportunity I have to surf the world to meet people, whether what they show is theirs or not, but I conc with both of you. There is nothing like that personal contact.
What I don't prefer about social sites, and what I will dis, is the way it has of zapping your creative TIME. You pop on a site and peek around, send a few messages, and before you know it, you've been there, peeking at the computer for hours...no stories written, no exercise, no reading, in short, no constructive nothing. But then again, I do accept that I've got to be the one to monitor my time and, perhaps, use some of what I come across for tidbits that get redone and placed into a story here or there.
Do you think we worry unnecessarily about dating, when if we would simply immerse ourselves in our purpose and our passion, our soulmate will spring up, naturally, organically, divinelly?
Okay, Kiya!
Thank you kindly for joining us today and sharing your dating views!
I appreciate your willingness to engage in something different!
Blessings and have a GREAT time at the pool with your nephews!
TheGoldenGoddess
SimplyShirley,
Are you still with us?
My last comment today is that for me, dating is not something that I do. I meet people and allow GOD/nature to take care of the rest. I hold onto the faith that I'll meet someone, that has been chosen for me. That I didn't get my ownself in the way of my blessing.
With that, I really enjoyed this dialougue today, I have a lot to share with others, and really need to get some people I know to go over what we've begun today for them to expound on the subject.
Thank you C, and Simply!
You made my day.
Be blessed...
We have another guest, who is now reading our dating exchange this morning-turned-afternoon. She is an astounding poet, who will soon join us on my blogtalkradio show, www.blogtalkradio.com/theClaudiaMossShow.
Bienvenido, Jazz!
I am so elated to see you here! Are you ready to share the delicious world of thoughts with us?
Muchas gracias por tus pensamientos, Kiya!
Thank you kindly for sharing your thoughts with us this morning.
(And Family, she has been up for hours and even signed on to our site here exceedingly early. I am so proud of her!)
I just wish you had more time to continue sharing with us, Lady K.
Indeed, I appreciate your final remark...so I thank you and wish you a beautiful, sun-splashed day!
Paz, luz y bendiciones,
TheGoldenGoddess
All cooments have been interesting. It's been at least 20 years since I've been in a club to actually dance and have a good time. in the more recent years, i've accompanied friends on occasion who were more habitual club goers. The scene has definitely changed, especially the dances. I'm always amazed to learn that that I stillhave a level of appeal. (smile) I am 50 pushing 51 and very much alive. Though I've been celibate for a time, I tell brothers that my clit is hybernating. I said asleep, not dead.
I love your comment, Anonymous!
You definitely have a way with words. Have you experienced online dating? And what have you found are your significant dating challenges?
Thank you 4 your compliment. I haven't experienced online dating. Really not interested. Only because I've dealt with too much deception in person. My mjor challenges have been trust and being able to connect with me who appreciate me and can interact on a mental/spiritual plane.
Hi again! I popped off for a minute. I loved your analogy: sleeping not dead. However, may I suggest you wake it up!
gotta feed my spouse. I'll be back.
Bueno, Anonymous!
I know you've got to go, as performance is summoning you to an early-morning stage. But thank you kindly for your comments. It's the thought, the desire to want to participate, that counts.
Que tengas un pacifico dia!
TheGoldenGoddess
Hola todavia, SimplyShirley!
I cannot count the nights I've wanted someone to wake my sleeping clit, which by this time, feels more like a maidenhead, but I prefer to be in love when I polish mine off and allow her to come to life.
Now, some might say, that might not ever be, that I might have to connect with someone without the deep, loving romance initially, and then the friendship fuck may lead to a full-blown, heart-stopping affair.
But....still I ponder...
You back from feeding your mate yet?
Oh, let me not forget to add, I can take care of myself, sensually, in that department, until I feel the feeling to connect with another soul.
Comprendes?
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